pale_blue_arrow | IC Contact Post

[ He starts typing, and then backs it out. You know what? He doesn't need to touch that. ]

I am not judging.

I am not expecting any advice from you to be absolute truth, either, so please speak freely and do not feel pressured.

Things got very heated between Beka and I. I was not prepared for it, he came over to help me with a portrait and started throwing his clothes on the floor. We decided to wait for Yuri before it went too far, but if not for him, I think we would have.

okay, with you so far. kudos on waiting for both your boyfriends to be present; hurt feelings that pop up after one person isn't in on the sex are hell to try to do damage control on. so far so good.

what's the problem, exactly? general first time nerves? worry you're gonna jump the gun and get with one of them before the other and cause tension? worry about getting walked in on?

i think i need more context to be helpful, here.

It felt good, in the moment, but I think we would have both regret it, had we not controlled ourselves. It isn't that I didn't want to.

I really, really wanted to.

But I wanted them both there more.

My problem is general anxiety, I think. It is important to me that if it happens, everyone means it. I want to be in love and be loved in return, I want everyone to want it the same. I understand that most peoples' first time is with just one other person. The idea feels exciting, but also overwhelming.

that's normal, when it's meaningful, whether it's one person or two. it's not as much a you-specific thing as you'd think. i'm sure they're a little nervous, too. or maybe a lot nervous. it's a big step.

for whatever it's worth you don't have to worry about not being the best at insert-sex-related-thing-here. when it's with someone who cares they can forgive a lot of screw ups, trust me. love forgives many flaws.

are they both first timers too? it's probably better if you know that beforehand. that, and what they're not into. for instance some guys are really not into having their nipples touched and never will be, or some guys aren't comfortable with reach-arounds if eye contact is their thing, etc. and they need to know what you're not cool with trying, too. it's really hard to get back into the swing of things if you find that out by accidentally doing it.

i can't promise to make this somehow perfect but i do have a lot of advice on avoiding stuff that leads to awkward silence and the mood being broken.

I can be realistic. A certain degree of awkwardness is to be expected, of course, I just want to be prepared so that it isn't anything that cannot be laughed off.

Yes, we all are. So some of that, I don't know, yet. They might not even know, themselves. I don't. I could tell you if something sounds appealing or not, but really, I have not given it much detailed thought until recently.

You can't make it anything. You will not be there.

I just need somebody to talk to about it, I think.

if i could talk my way into making this not stressful for you, i would. but you're all new, you're all just going to have to avoid whatever sounds unappealing and talk through anything you've got doubts about. nobody's ever complained about someone asking them too often if things feel good or if something's okay.

i guess that's my advice. ask questions and make sure they know you love them. it really does help out in a lot of ways. and they're gonna be nervous too so don't stress about playing it cool. just be honest.

you're gonna be okay, yusuke.

[After a moment:] i hate to go there but you may not want to try bottoming unless you're REALLY sure you're into it given it usually triggers people with traumatic memories and, well. halloween happened.

i'm not saying you can't ever do it but you're definitely going to want to take that very slow and warn everybody beforehand it could backfire.

Maybe they will be. Beka always seems so in control of himself, I don't know if I've ever seen him nervous. Maybe he just hides it well...

But thank you. That is reassuring.

...you think so? What happened in that house doesn't seem related. It was fire.

Nothing was inside me.

hiding it well isn't the same as not feeling it. and a lot of people fake confidence because they don't want to worry someone they love. he loves you, therefore he's going to try to push through any awkwardness and go for it. it's not uncommon.

yes, i do. it's not about the fire, it's about the fact that the wrong angle can make someone feel trapped when they're bottoming... which for you would bring up a set of claustrophobic memories that would result in a panic attack.

how i died made me aquaphobic because of the *feeling* of drowning even though i didn't drown. it's not a 1-to-1 correlation scale. and i don't want to think about how awful it would be for you to have a panic attack in the middle of what's supposed to be a beautiful, romantic, intimate moment. so at least think it over, okay? maybe consider positions that don't invoke that feeling. you've got options.

He started it. But that is likely it.

I do not anticipate that being a problem. I have had them on top of me plenty, and never felt trapped, or otherwise uncomfortable.

However, I appreciate the concern. I will keep it in mind. It may not even come up. I can't say that I have a preference as of now, but they might. We haven't discussed it.

This is a foreseeable future line of questioning, not an urgent one.

as someone who has started things and been nervous myself let me assure you he's just as human and fallible about this as you are.

i just want you to be okay. hopefully you're right and it's not a problem, but it's better to be safe rather than sorry. talk to them about if anything in their pasts might make something a bad idea, too. just to be safe.

it'll happen when it happens. not rushing it is a good attitude to have. you'll be fine.

I know.

It is entirely possible that I am overthinking all of it from timing to...logistics.

probably, but overthinking is part of who you are. they know it and they love it.

and for what it's worth my longest lasting relationship was with a fellow overthinker and it still went well. it worked out, we planned about as much as we didn't re: sex and it was wonderful.

is there a specific logistical thing you're worried about? i've been around the block, i can offer insight, maybe. i don't know. i'm probably overthinking this too since i've been having to look up what's legal and what's not given i'm underage technically with manabu and he's got a lot of issues with that.

Isn't there a leeway period? They call them 'Romeo and Juliet' laws? I looked into it in Florida, Otabek is three years older than Yuri.

Specifically? I don't know. It's a lot to think about. I'm not sure where to start. I have been doing some reading, but I am more of a hands on learner...

I suppose I will let you know how it goes. If it goes at all.

Edited (I didn't pay for 200 icons to use the same one twice ok) 2017-11-18 07:44 (UTC)

it varies by state and, in the south, by sex act. it's not something i have to worry about right away - we're not really at that stage in our relationship - but knowing makes him more comfortable discussing it, so i've been doing some reading.

i'm not even gonna jokingly offer to help you hands-on. mostly because it would break manabu's heart and i'd sooner shoot myself than do that. but most people don't have hands-on learning prior and the human race has managed so far.

don't worry about it too much. there's more to life than sex, and yes, i know coming from me that's fucking hilarious, but still.

I was not asking you to in the first place, so why say anything at all if you would rather shoot yourself?

I know there is. I told you before, it isn't a major priority, but two boyfriends is twice the frustration, isn't it? I can't say that I am not thinking about it.

Not excessively. A healthy amount.

because there was a point i'd have done it anyway and i'm still coming to terms with that. psychology is a harsh mistress.

given how frustrated i am with my singular boyfriend yeah, i imagine this is getting obnoxious to think about. at least all the sexual tension building up should make everything amazing when it happens. gotta stay positive.

alternatively you could mope the way i do but you lack the appropriate music for that.

that is a positive way of looking at it.

I am not moping.

and it gives you time to think up romantic things to say. it's not all bad.

with that haircut i refuse to believe you're not moping at least a little.

It has become apparent that all of my romantic declarations are doomed to be spur of the moment affairs. I will no longer try to fight it.

It has worked well enough so far.

I am not moping. Beka likes it.

that's probably for the best.

told you that haircut was a godsend for picking up guys. although i feel like i should warn you whoever has the longest hair tends to get it tugged on during sex. human instinct is stupid like that. just roll with it; they mean well.

i mean i haven't met them. but i assume they mean well, they love you dearly, etc. or futaba would've used her internet skills to rain doom down upon them by now.

That isn't a problem. I enjoy it, in the heat of the moment.

[ You were right all along, Brendan... ]

Yuri's is longer, though.

Of course. Yuri hasn't said so yet, but I think he does. He shows it.

She would absolutely rain hellfire onto them if given a good enough reason.

[He fucking called it. Privately, Brendan fist bumps the air before responding.]

good. dodged that bullet, then. and unlike me your hair's straight so nobody's going to get their hand stuck.

ask yuri if he's alright with it, don't assume he is. even if he's into it, the consideration goes a long way towards making things more comfortable. + it's romantic, kinda.

i kinda figured that with futaba around i don't have to worry about your boyfriends mistreating you. she'd take care of it before they even knew what happened. i love that little gremlin but she's like the nuclear option of your/my friends.

I meant love, not hair pulling...

Though I am fairly certain his thoughts on that are positive, based on previous encounters.

You have yet to even see her in action. She sent our calling card out on every screen in Shibuya, and that was after faking Akira's death from the inside of a police station.

look at you, all grown up and considering your partner's needs. <3

but seriously as much shit as i give you, i really do think you three will make it work.

...how can someone that cute be that terrifying? i'm both impressed and really, really glad i'm on her good side.

Of course I am. If not, there would be no reason to be nervous.

She has a dangerous skill set, that is all. Even without her Persona.

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