IC Contact Post

[pale_blue_arrow]

This is Brendan Frye. If it's urgent, you might have a better chance o' tracking me down on foot. If I'm not answering, chances are I've gotten in over my head with something, not that I'm refusin' to give you the time of day. So leave me some words and I'll get back to you as soon as I don't have a fire to put out.

Comments

[lempereur]

A very gay vibe.

Forget I asked.

And I have never kissed anyone at an art gallery. Especially not in the bathroom. I would be far too busy with the art.

[pale_blue_arrow]

well, more like very gay-leaning bisexual vibe but everyone seems to view this as a binary instead of a spectrum so i just go with 'gay vibe' otherwise i run the risk of dealing with people's internalized biphobia and eventually i bring shakespeare's queer subtext into it to make a point and nobody knows what i'm talking about, which just makes me sad.

why the fuck would you not kiss someone at an art gallery?? that would be incredibly romantic. you are wasting golden opportunities. i hope whoever you're into is patient as fuck, they're gonna need it.

[lempereur]

I am not afraid to like both. It just isn't something something I think about often. Admittedly, I have no idea what I am doing.

It would be disrespectful to the artists. Unless that were the type of passion they wish to ignite.

[pale_blue_arrow]

were i more sober i would offer advice but idk you seem to have party make outs on lockdown so. just make out with everyone, you'll figure it out.

so if a artist WAS trying to get that reaction and nobody made out does that mean the people were disrespectful or the art sucks at its' intended purpose?

[lempereur]

Should that be taken as a compliment? I would not use the word 'lockdown' myself, I am not planning on kissing people indiscriminately any time soon.

...an artist cannot force his audience to feel the way he feels, he can only try.

[pale_blue_arrow]

take it how you will, you never seem to factor in the intention behind other people's words to begin with.

so a little of column a, a little of column b. got it.

[lempereur]

I can admit that. My upbringing was quite isolated. Give me time to catch up with you, if it is not too much to ask.

[pale_blue_arrow]

you know, going from isolation to parties was probably not a good idea. and i'm drunk so if i'm saying something is bad, you really need to rethink your choices, sirenito dulzero.

just. stay safe and try not to make out with anyone who you're not actually into, that'd be a great start.

[lempereur]

Probably not. I was told I needed it, at the time. It was a long week.

I'll try to heed your advice.

[pale_blue_arrow]

did nobody tell you not to make out with people you're not into? we could have avoided so much of this if you'd shoved me off one kiss into it.

[lempereur]

It was a joke.

And I was into you.

[pale_blue_arrow]

people who are into me usually have very different definitions of that word than i do. when i say 'into' i mean 'genuine attraction' for the record

[lempereur]

What else would I mean?

[pale_blue_arrow]

honestly it seemed a little like you were angling for a one night stand and then later it was more of a 'yay i can use your powers, that makes the kissing worth it'. so, into seems to mean beneficial, for you? idk i try not to think about it and drink to forget

[lempereur]

I wasn't 'angling' for anything. I've been nothing but honest with you, I have no ulterior motives. Why do you assume the worst of me?

[pale_blue_arrow]

because the last person who was that nice to me raped me and i'm still dealing with the fallout. pardon me for not getting over that trauma in three months flat.

for a guy who's as nice as you are when you're drunk you're pretty frigid when you're sober.

[lempereur]

I wouldn't expect you to.

I don't try to be frigid, either. I don't know how to talk to you. You are very intense, at all times, you never let up. Like if I don't stand a certain way you'll knock me right over.

[pale_blue_arrow]

my upbringing was very intense and tense, at all times. it didn't let up. i learned to be the same way. i'm sorry. i don't know how else to live my life except by waiting for the next person to screw me over and trying to figure out what lies people are telling because that's how things have always been and

look

i don't want to be this way. and i'm trying to do better. but it's hard to rewrite the rules of how the world works and adapt to those after years of being in fight-or-flight mode.

and if none of that makes sense i'm sorry for that, too, sirenito.

[lempereur]

I understand. Rewriting the rules is hard. If it helps, it isn't any easier the second time.

Can you at least try to believe me? You can call me tactless or cold, but I am not a liar.

[pale_blue_arrow]

i want to believe you. but that means instead of you using me, you just threw me away when a better deal came along. if i tell myself you were using me then that implies i at least have a little bit of value to someone, in some capacity.

[lempereur]

The other person was there the entire time. I knew before I met you.

I prefer 'helping', it implies a mutual agreement.

[pale_blue_arrow]

so i was what, a distraction for the night? side action? why would you not immediately shove me off if you were already taken? i'm an ass but i do understand no means no but i can't read minds, i need a verbal 'no'.

helping implies this has benefited me on any level. and it hasn't.

[lempereur]

I am not taken, not like that. Just dreaming.

I can only offer, I can't make you accept. But at this point, any lost benefit is your own fault.

[pale_blue_arrow]

and that dream is better than the actual guy throwing himself at you? can't tell if that means whoever you're after is amazing or if that means i'm even worse than i thought.

[lempereur]

He is amazing.

I shouldn't talk about this with you. It feels insensitive.